1st October

Morning Corporal,
Carruthers clutch of eggs have all hatched out now and he is strutting around the back of the parade ground with a dozen little yellow chicks following him. He managed to negotiate with the doctors to allow him to keep the eggs after his little episode in the chicken coup and he took them down to the tank and hatched them all out down there. Mighty peculiar business if you ask me.
Speaking of peculiar businesses, Carstairs and Ringbotham, Carstairs has got himself posted as Ringbotham’s batman and seems far too at home in a floral apron and feather duster to me. He saw Ringbotham off to the office yesterday with a wave of what appeared to be a lace handkerchief from what I could see of it. I can’t help but think that there is something rather unhealthy going on there!
I think the mystery of the new engine in Carruthers mobile home has been solved, no-one has been getting any milk this week and everyone was blaming the milkman’s little dalliance with Mrs. Peabody’s daughter for his inactivity. Eventually the sergeant was sent to find out the cause of the problem and give him a piece of his mind. When he got down to the dairy he found the milkman stood in the empty engine bay of his milk float, scratching his head. It is only circumstantial at the moment as nobody can get near Carruthers and that ruddy tank to find out. He was bad enough before, but now with a brood of chicks to protect he is firing those blank shells at anyone who comes near. Bit of a rumpus the other day, when he got hold of a live one! Carruthers thought that the General was getting too close to his chicks and let loose a shell, well not only has the car got no sides, it has no boot now either; although the General has taken to calling it a trunk, of course. But fortunately for the General the shell didn’t go off; however it did go off when it came to rest against the end wall of the garage where Mrs. Peabody keeps her car. There is now no uncertainty at all about whether there is anything going on between the vicar and the good lady. The garage completely disappeared and revealed Mrs. Peabody spread across the bonnet of her convertible wearing little but a smile, and the vicar spread across her, although he did still have his dog collar on! It gave Ned the gardener quite a turn; he is eighty if he’s a day and deaf as a post! He was on his knees tending the border at the back of the garage when the incident occurred, of course he didn’t hear a thing but when he looked up after the garage had disappeared, all he could see was the vicar’s bare arse bobbing up and down! He thought it was the sunflower in full bloom to start with, although given the shape and colour of the vicar’s legs I can understand the mistake.
Anyway Corporal, must dash, I think I can hear Carruthers trying to start the tank again. Always best to keep a low profile when that engine starts up I find, just in case he has found another live shell.
Over and out Corporal.