22nd October

Morning Corporal,
Bit of a time lag since last entry old boy, had to keep the head down, you know how it is.
Got a bit squiffy myself the other night, one too many brandies in the officer’s mess. When I say one too I probably mean one two, as in twelve to be precise! Got talking to the general and his batman and let it slip about old Carstairs and Major Ringbotham, the general was incensed at the prospect of two gays living in camp! Kept ranting on about sexual proclivities and debauchery. Particularly when he realised that Carstairs was the one he had moved after trying to take advantage of his widowed daughter. You know how it is when you’ve had the odd one over the eight, the mind is saying shut up and the mouth is in full swing.
The following morning, Carstairs and Ringbotham were marched up to the Generals office by two sniggering MP’s. Somehow they managed to convince the General that the reason for them spending so much time together and for Carstairs apparent delectation for female clothes was that they were working on putting together an entertainment troupe for the chaps. The General fell for it hook line and sinker and told them of my own little indiscretion the previous night which left Ringbotham in a right foul bate and he’s been on the warpath looking for me ever since. The real problem for them is that now they have got to come up with the goods and produce something that resembles an entertainment party. They tried to get Carruthers away from that tank to join them, we were all hoping they would manage it as the far side of camp has become a bit of a war zone now that Carruthers tank has an engine. After the last time he took it for a little foray the three new Landrovers the vehicle pool had just taken delivery of were all left with a tank track mark right up the middle and the wheels leaning out at a rather jaunty angle. They nearly managed to get Carruthers away from the thing and the MPs were waiting to go in and remove the batteries and starter when Carruthers heard they were planning on getting him to dress as a woman. He must have had some recollection of that terrible incident down at the NAAFI which led to his rather precarious mental stability; as soon as he saw the dress he ran back into the tank shouting random profanities at anyone and everyone and tried to fire another of those blank shells. Well the barrel was still blocked from the wadding of the previous one, and there then followed one hell of a bang and the whole tank disappeared as smoke exuded from every part of it. When the smoke cleared, the barrel of the tank was peeled back like a banana on all sides, all the doors and traps were blown off their hinges and a smoke blackened Carruthers was sitting on what was left of the turret, sucking his thumb and calling for ‘mummy’.
Need to go old boy, I can hear Ringbotham and Carstairs approaching and I don’t think they are feeling any better disposed towards me yet so I need to make myself scarce. I say, you don’t fancy dressing as a woman and singing Lilly Marlene on a stage do you? Be awfully helpful if you did, I think it might take the sting out of the situation.
Bit of a rum do all round I say!
Over and out.